Relationship woes...

I'm feeling kind of weird. I think it is because I sense that maybe, just maybe this really will be the end of Jim and I. It makes me feel sad. I thought about him the whole time I walked today. I thought about all of it and it kind of made me mad. I realized from my one-sided viewpoint that we really don't have a relationship...really nothing...well, maybe a pen pal kind of thing going on. Now that it is pretty clear I won't be seeing him, he's going to disappear and there is a part of me that is oh so ready for that. I mean really what is the point? He clearly does not want to fight for me or in truth there is no evidence that he wants to do anything for or about me. He is not willing to put anything more than an occasional call or email into this relationship so what is the point? I really need to let go. It is hard for me because everything was there...except him. So what is the point of holding on even a little bit...none. I know that but it is still hard to let go. I have noticed that it is easier being busy. And when I go down to NM one of my hopes is - that I can let him go. I hope I can. I just don't want to because he is almost everything I want in a man. It is hard to believe that there is anyone else out there better suited for me. I get so discouraged just thinking about all of that. No one is going to pay any attention to me...again. I'm just not a head turner and I don't stand a chance in the single scene. Yikes! How am I going to face all that rejection, again? This is going to be hard, really hard. Oh well, concentrate on Steve and Kole and my writing. That's what I need to do. Maybe I can do some research on singles. Ahhhhh, maybe that can be my angle. That would be perfect! I can go in with the idea of doing research and getting their perspective on the single life in the church. Now that sounds like a plan I can actually live with. Ha! Thank you Heavenly Father, that sounds inspirational!!!!! I think I found a way to face the single scene. Hurray for me!