I'm starting another blog. This one is just for me. No one needs to know it exists. And I'm going to keep my journal here. I'm going to write whatever I want to without worrying about what the world thinks. It is going to be a lot about being single, because that is one of the things that defines me and effects what I do. I'm not saying that is right, but for now, that is the way it is.
Someone told me that I worship "being married" but that isn't so true. I want love in my life. More than anything else, I want love - to love and be loved, that's what I want. Just once I want to not worry about being loved because of anything I do, but to have a secure knowledge that I am loved no matter and inspite of what I do. I know that has to start with knowing that Heavenly Father loves me (and my Savior, Jesus Christ, too). My mind tells me that is so, but does my heart really know? I'm going to work on that first. I'm going to figure out how to make that happen for me, because I truly know in my head that he does. I just don't allow myself access to feel it. And after that, I have to learn how in the heck to love myself. Now that will be a real challenge. Don't know how I will ever do that seeing as... HA!
I believe with all my heart that this will be a real battle. Satan has used these things against me for a very long time. I ready to beat the crap out of him and win this war, once and for all!
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