JIM

I know this is lame. To have another post about this man is so pathetic. I've been so busy lately but I have thought about him. I have been doing things and I have thought of him. It isn't that I'm desperate or just lonely and he is the only sort of possibility out there. I miss him. I ache. I liked being with him. He isn't perfect but there are so many things I dearly love about him. And when I was with him, I felt happy.
That was in the beginning.
Then I realized that it was mostly one sided or at least so badly unequal and the good times fell apart for me. Blessings seem to hint at someone else out there, no names, of course. Could be Jim, but deep down inside I know that the likelihood of that is so remote and impossible. Better to just let go, but there is a part of me that can't. Heaven help me, I've been praying that I could let go. A part of me won't let me.
I eat. It doesn't help. I think of him. That doesn't help. There is a part of me that knows there will never be anyone better made for me, than him. There is a part of me that knows there will never be anyone. But there is a glimmer of hope. I trust that the blessing is true. I wait. I wait. I wait and wait and wait, because I can't move or take one step toward anything. I can't. I just can't do it because although I am trying so hard to trust. I do not believe. I do not believe there is that one reality out there for me. It hurts.
I want Jim to love me and to want me and to do something other than sit there and do nothing about me. It will never happen. It is not meant to be. I'm almost 61 years old for heaven's sake and I'm such a child about all of this. Please, please, please Heavenly Father help me let go. I need to let go. Just let him goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...