It's been so long since I've had the chance to write and I was a little homesick for this blog and my writing and expressing. I'm at Steve's right now and will be for a while longer. It is not quite what I expected. I'm kind of surprised about the relationship we have. I didn't expect such distance between us. It really shouldn't surprise me, I suppose because I've been so absent from his life the last 3 years. I feel like he is a little resentful of me to some extent. Like I ask him when he wants dinner and he seems perturbed with me. I don't know. Maybe I am just babying him and enabling him but it seems to me that he has a lot on his plate right now and so if I can help out and make all of the mundane stuff go away so he can concentrate on the big stuff, I should do that. Well, I think we will sit down and talk about that stuff soon. So I don't think he ever wants to talk to me which means I am alone a lot. My thoughts run through my head over and over and so far I am managing to keep Satan at arm's length, I think. I still have lots of negative thoughts running through my head but they don't stop and sit for too long or take detours and hang around. Pretty much they are in and out and that is a real blessing and accomplishment.
I have been reading "Return of the Prodigal Son." It is a great book although there is some false doctrine in it. It was written by a Catholic priest. Duh, false doctrine here and there but it has been thought provoking and part of the reason I am serving Steve so much is to help me develop that unconditional love that the father has. I really want to love and give with no thoughts of thanks or returns. I want to love as He loves and fill my heart with that love. It is so important to me. I want to love as the Savior loves. I have experienced that one time in my life and it was the most joyous and glorious feeling ever! I want it back.
So that is about it for now. My life seems so small and insignificant. I can't help but feel like I don't have much to offer the world. I just hope I have enough to offer my Father in heaven.
